Shanghai as a Solitary Vice

Another article I wrote for Global Times:

A recent farewell dinner for a fellow expat who is returning to our mutual home country led to a cheesy yet heartfelt discussion of what we all love most about Shanghai. Among the overwhelmingly positive answers, my favorite must have been about the strong independence that is necessary to develop throughout life here.


There are a slew of challenges thrown at me everyday dealing with language difficulties, errands, and public transportation mishaps (When will Line 10 finally be open past 4:00?). But this is a different type of independence-- merely the ability to subsist alone is not what life, or this article, is about.


What I'm talking about is the internal and segregating independence that accompanies the realization that most of my friends that I meet and become close with here are transient. Although we may develop a deep connection and a binding trust, there is always the lingering notion that after one or two crazy years in Shanghai, we will likely return to our respective hometowns, or travel on to our next big adventure in some other foreign location. It's a feeling fairly unique to Shanghai, as a true international hub for students and young members of the workforce.


In the same way that terminal dating can hinder an otherwise meaningful depth between two lovers, Shanghai's expat friendship scene can seem shallow. At times it's difficult to remember why we invest time in building bridges when we know they'll be singed after our departure. Although endless connections through social media have made maintaining contact with international friends easy, when there's fewer deep conversations and no real fun to be had together, friendships will quickly dissipate.


It's this separation that forces me to realize that really, you are your own best friend, and that's OK. In fact, it's great. There's so much to experience in this city and the world that to depend on others for all of one's life would be a true disservice to one's self.


On the other hand, the expats that I've met in Shanghai are often of a different breed from people I've met elsewhere. Open-minded, intelligent, and worldly, many of my friends in this city have contributed to my life experience in an extremely meaningful way. Even though I’ll likely never live in the same vicinity as my Parisian Shanghai best friend again, I’ll never forget the hours we spent discussing linguistic differences and their cultural implications while she earnestly tried to correct my pronunciation of the French ‘r.’


It’s an odd feeling to know that the people I frequent The Shelter, Moganshan Lu, or Bifengtang with might be removed from my mobile’s phonebook in 12 months. But it’s a great one to know that I can turn off that same phone, spend a day or two enjoying the recent outstanding weather on my own, and still feel completely fulfilled.